Welcome to The Inner Peace Zone

Welcome to The Inner Peace Zone. The Inner Peace Zone is my diary of my poetry and other self-expressions. All the pictures on the blog are self-photography unless where stated otherwise. Any resemblance to any picture on the web is pure coincidence. I hope you enjoy reading The Inner Peace Zone. Love & Peace, Rosy Kaur

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The Love Child

They say I am just a leaf But I tell you, it is my belief... That I am The Love Child of my Universe You see, Sun - my father, never ...

Healing Myself - 6. My Seven Healing Habits

6. My Seven Healing Habits

Once I recognized that had emotional scars, from many losses and abuses; I knew it was time to seek professional help and guidance. But, here, no Counselors were available at the time. So I ended up doing much of the healing work myself. I read a lot of self-development stuff on the internet, and the following helped me in healing myself:

I began my healing by making lists of things for which I was grateful. Each night, I would write down what I was grateful for. Although I was repeating the same list daily, usually copying down the previous day's list, I felt that I began to sleep better after writing my gratitude list. The act of writing down my blessings did not sink as real gratitude into the heart until much much later when the healing began with spending my time on my hobbies...

I now began to explore what I used to really love as a child. I began to paint. I would paint just about anything. I painted furniture, my room walls, empty tins, jars etc. I made postcards, and even painted on wood to make simple lovely wall hangings. My loving sisters honored my artwork by hanging it in their homes. I would sit until 3.00 am painting. Merely the brush strokes full of paint, moving on the canvas would soothe my aching heart so much. Some times, I would silently move the furniture away from the walls in my room at night, and paint the walls, and go to sleep; my family discovering the freshly painted walls only in the morning.

I would also play my keyboard and sing for hours. I did not know much about composing music, but would play simple notes and sing. I used to sing with a lot of pain in my heart and would often cry during my singing. But I felt, it as a way of letting out the suppressed tortures, and it helped me.

During the abusive marriage, I had built my home twice all by myself, which had been torn to shreds by my x, both times. I think this left me with a longing for my own home. But since, I no longer had a home of my own, I found myself addicted to interior decorating books. I bought and read hundreds of home decoration books and magazines, and I applied so many decorating techniques from those books, changing the decoration themes in the home so often.

During the painful times, I wrote tons of poetry. But later, I felt it reminded me of the pain, so I tore up the books and threw them away.

In this time, I became my son's best friend. I would watch cartoons with my toddler son, and laugh away with him watching Tom and Jerry. I watched all his kiddies videos with him, singing all the cartoon songs with him. I would take my son to cinema to watch children's movies. Whatever, he needed to do, I would join with him. When he began swimming lessons, I too went to learn swimming same time rather than sitting by the pool waiting for him to finish his lesson. In this way, I had a chance to have a second better childhood. My companionship helped my son to become a happy carefree child, and his companionship helped to heal my childhood wounds.

Forgiveness came much later, when I was betrayed by a dear friend whom I trusted very deeply. I found myself just not being angry at this person, no matter how much pain I was in as a result of the betrayal. Despite this person's actions, I still wished peace in that direction. But, I was hurting very deeply, because the past betrayals had come up to the surface with this betrayal. I found myself suffocated and felt all doors to relief were shut. Forgiveness was the only possible way out for me. And forgiving not just this person, but had to forgive them all. I had to go deep into my subconscious, stand in front of teach person who had hurt me, abused me, and say to them the words, "I forgive you, and wish you joy wherever you are." At first, it was merely words, but I kept on doing this exercise until I really began to feel compassion for my perpetrators. I now know that they get a safe passage through my heart.

I am someone, who is always kind to others. I always believe that it is more important to be kind than to be right. But often my kindness was taken for a weakness and I found myself receiving nonsense from people in response to my kindness. This taught me to recognize who to be kind with and who to just simply stand up to for myself. I try to remember what Mother Teresa said, that people will ill-treat you even when you are kind to them, but BE KIND ANYWAY... So, I have continued to be kind, and it has taught me tolerance which has been a healing potion for me and still is.

Generosity is something that brings a lot of joy in my heart. I am not rich but giving away in a silent and subtle way, heals me very fast. This is a simple joy, and I try to be generous, every now and then.

This has been the most difficult of all the healing tasks. I remained stuck in the past for decades, and kept on worrying about the future too. Only now, I have learned to KILL THE PAST. I am learning to remain anchored in the PRESENT.

If I can fully disconnect from the painful memories of the PAST, and forget about living in the FUTURE, I know I can taste the divine juices of Inner Peace. I know that then my healing will truly be complete!
Love & Peace ~Rosy Kaur.  16.03.2011
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