Welcome to The Inner Peace Zone

Welcome to The Inner Peace Zone. The Inner Peace Zone is my diary of my poetry and other self-expressions. All the pictures on the blog are self-photography unless where stated otherwise. Any resemblance to any picture on the web is pure coincidence. I hope you enjoy reading The Inner Peace Zone. Love & Peace, Rosy Kaur

Healing Myself - 8. Layers of Onion

8. Layers of Onion

In the past decade, when I was experimenting with several healing techniques; so often I would feel that I have forgiven, I have let go, I have healed and I would feel peaceful and joyous.... until something would trigger the sadness all over again, and I would feel very much back to square one. However, my experimentation would still continue with regards to practising gratitude, forgiveness, kindness, generosity, positive affirmation, meditations etc.

It was only George who made me see how far I had come from the fearful, tearful, depressed person. He brought a new insight into my mind by explaining what his teacher had explained to him. George told me that pain/sadness is just like the layers of an onion. When sadness attacks, you work on it, this means you have pealed off a layer. Next time, when pain is triggerred, you further work on yourself, until you realise that as you are pealing off layer by layer of sadness, you are healing by going deeper into yourself and tackling your issues at a deeper level each time. Also, the more layers that are pealed off, more healing is experienced. When all layers have been pealed off of an onion, nothing remains. That nothingness is complete healing.

I then had a realisation that even healing techniques have layers. Someone I thought I had forgiven, another time I would need to go back into my heart and forgive same person at a deeper level. I felt the same about gratitude; that it too has layers. At the begining gratitude was speaking the words of thanks, then it progressed to feeling gratitude, another time stronger gratitude. Now, sometimes, the gratitude overwhelms my heart so much that I can simply cry, just in the joy of being grateful. Even surrendor has layers. One might feel one has surrendered, then a newer experience/insight might take one to a deeper level of surrendor.

What is important is to keep on working on gratitude, forgiveness, kindness, generosity, positive affirmations, meditations, living in the NOW etc. And every new insight will bring the peace and joy not felt with the acquisition of materialic possesstions. When you perform an act of kindness or generosity for someone, and simply walk away, without feeling the need for recognition, you will feel great inner connectedness with that person. When you show care and respect for plants, animals, inanimate objects in your surroundings, you will know that you and him/her/it are one. You have now reached a level of ONENESS...which of course is another journey of several layers... Yes, I will keep on peeling off the layers, and one day plunge into the nothingness. That day the complete healing will have taken place, and I shall have attained pure freedom.
Love & Peace ~Rosy Kaur.  25.03.2011
...Continue to Chapter 9



Throw away the checklist, cancel the date
Let your goal be "Love", and not just a mate

Walk in the dusty path
Or take a dip in the pond
Row a boat alone
Or stand in the storm

Bathe your body in pure cool water
Bare feet walk, around your shelter
Slip into chiffon, let it caress you
Open your hair for wind to kiss you

Doodle on a paper, while sipping your tea
Run after a chicken or chase a bee
Such a love affair, with myself I have discovered
Where I am THE LOVER, and I am THE BELOVED!
Love & Peace ~Rosy Kaur.  22.03.2011

Healing Myself - 7. Dreams Mirror Life

7. Dreams Mirror Life

One of the side effects of my lifetime traumas has been daily nightmares. They come in many colours. I can categorize them in this way:

1. The Warrior: In these nightmares, I am in trouble usually under attack. Here, I am like a super woman. I fight the most powerful demons even though I am very frightened of them. I defeat my attackers. But when I wake up, I am feeling the exhaustion from the battle. Perhaps, these refer to the difficulties that I have overcome in reality, but are still lingering in the subconscious.

2. The Builder: In these nightmares, some sort of construction will be going on, but is always incomplete; as work-in-progress. When I wake up from these dreams, I know these dreams are referring to incomplete sectors of my life. So, the stress I feel in waking life is showing up in this way.

3. The Plumber: I get lots of bathroom dreams. Here, usually the taps are leaking, or the shower is not closing, and water is everywhere on the floor. Also the doors to bathroom do not close/lock, so I am frustrated in the dream.  I find these dreams quite irritating. It is said that abuse victims develop an excessive need for privacy in bathrooms.  I guess that is what is showing up in my dreams here...

4. The Saviour: Here, I am always rescuing my family that is my parents (with whom I live), or my young son, during some sort of a major natural disaster, either tsunami wave, or just floods. I always rescue them, or I find them safe at the end of the dream. I guess this must be showing my fear of losing them.

I have discussed my dreams with my mentors/friends. I received some clarity and began to face my fears, and/or drop issues that are no longer serving my higher spiritual purpose. However, no amount of analysis/action would stop them. Then, George taught me that trying to get rid of them will not work. This brought a shift into my mind and I told myself, not to fight with my dreams; and that I will live my life as best as I can, focusing on my spiritual growth daily. Last time, the bathroom dream came, I woke up and spoke to my subconscious mind. I thanked it for trying to show me my weakness, but said that I did not fully understand what message it was trying to convey to me, and requested it to give me the message in a more comprehensible way, ie. to bring the communication down to my level. Let me see, how the night goes tonight!
Love & Peace ~Rosy Kaur.  20.03.2011
...Continue to Chapter 8

Healing Myself - 6. My Seven Healing Habits

6. My Seven Healing Habits

Once I recognized that had emotional scars, from many losses and abuses; I knew it was time to seek professional help and guidance. But, here, no Counselors were available at the time. So I ended up doing much of the healing work myself. I read a lot of self-development stuff on the internet, and the following helped me in healing myself:

I began my healing by making lists of things for which I was grateful. Each night, I would write down what I was grateful for. Although I was repeating the same list daily, usually copying down the previous day's list, I felt that I began to sleep better after writing my gratitude list. The act of writing down my blessings did not sink as real gratitude into the heart until much much later when the healing began with spending my time on my hobbies...

I now began to explore what I used to really love as a child. I began to paint. I would paint just about anything. I painted furniture, my room walls, empty tins, jars etc. I made postcards, and even painted on wood to make simple lovely wall hangings. My loving sisters honored my artwork by hanging it in their homes. I would sit until 3.00 am painting. Merely the brush strokes full of paint, moving on the canvas would soothe my aching heart so much. Some times, I would silently move the furniture away from the walls in my room at night, and paint the walls, and go to sleep; my family discovering the freshly painted walls only in the morning.

I would also play my keyboard and sing for hours. I did not know much about composing music, but would play simple notes and sing. I used to sing with a lot of pain in my heart and would often cry during my singing. But I felt, it as a way of letting out the suppressed tortures, and it helped me.

During the abusive marriage, I had built my home twice all by myself, which had been torn to shreds by my x, both times. I think this left me with a longing for my own home. But since, I no longer had a home of my own, I found myself addicted to interior decorating books. I bought and read hundreds of home decoration books and magazines, and I applied so many decorating techniques from those books, changing the decoration themes in the home so often.

During the painful times, I wrote tons of poetry. But later, I felt it reminded me of the pain, so I tore up the books and threw them away.

In this time, I became my son's best friend. I would watch cartoons with my toddler son, and laugh away with him watching Tom and Jerry. I watched all his kiddies videos with him, singing all the cartoon songs with him. I would take my son to cinema to watch children's movies. Whatever, he needed to do, I would join with him. When he began swimming lessons, I too went to learn swimming same time rather than sitting by the pool waiting for him to finish his lesson. In this way, I had a chance to have a second better childhood. My companionship helped my son to become a happy carefree child, and his companionship helped to heal my childhood wounds.

Forgiveness came much later, when I was betrayed by a dear friend whom I trusted very deeply. I found myself just not being angry at this person, no matter how much pain I was in as a result of the betrayal. Despite this person's actions, I still wished peace in that direction. But, I was hurting very deeply, because the past betrayals had come up to the surface with this betrayal. I found myself suffocated and felt all doors to relief were shut. Forgiveness was the only possible way out for me. And forgiving not just this person, but had to forgive them all. I had to go deep into my subconscious, stand in front of teach person who had hurt me, abused me, and say to them the words, "I forgive you, and wish you joy wherever you are." At first, it was merely words, but I kept on doing this exercise until I really began to feel compassion for my perpetrators. I now know that they get a safe passage through my heart.

I am someone, who is always kind to others. I always believe that it is more important to be kind than to be right. But often my kindness was taken for a weakness and I found myself receiving nonsense from people in response to my kindness. This taught me to recognize who to be kind with and who to just simply stand up to for myself. I try to remember what Mother Teresa said, that people will ill-treat you even when you are kind to them, but BE KIND ANYWAY... So, I have continued to be kind, and it has taught me tolerance which has been a healing potion for me and still is.

Generosity is something that brings a lot of joy in my heart. I am not rich but giving away in a silent and subtle way, heals me very fast. This is a simple joy, and I try to be generous, every now and then.

This has been the most difficult of all the healing tasks. I remained stuck in the past for decades, and kept on worrying about the future too. Only now, I have learned to KILL THE PAST. I am learning to remain anchored in the PRESENT.

If I can fully disconnect from the painful memories of the PAST, and forget about living in the FUTURE, I know I can taste the divine juices of Inner Peace. I know that then my healing will truly be complete!
Love & Peace ~Rosy Kaur.  16.03.2011


Healing Myself

Once you have recognized that have emotional scars, whether from a great loss, disaster, abusive relationship; it is time to seek professional help and guidance for a timely recovery.  The following helped me in healing myself:

Never underestimate the power of gratitude. We are giant magnets attracting whatever we are. When we find ourselves in any displeasing situation and if we choose to fight or resist whatever is happening to us, we are then creating resistance, which puts us in a disharmonious vibration, so that we attract more displeasing situations. Gratitude is an acceptance of things/situations just the way they are, without blame/criticism/should have/could have etc. It is a knowing, that nothing otherwise different could have happened. What happened is exactly what was absolutely necessary for our spiritual growth.  Experiment with being thankful for all experiences good or bad, all gifts big or small, for all life and whole universe; for a while and observe that gratitude is the key to the world of miracles.

Peace is not possible without forgiveness. Most of us need time to work through pain and loss. We can find all kinds of reasons for postponing forgiveness. One of these reasons is waiting for the wrongdoers to repent before we forgive them. Yet such a delay causes us to forfeit the peace and happiness that could be ours, right now.

Holding within, long-past hurts does not bring happiness. Forgiveness frees up and puts to better use the energy that is being consumed by holding grudges, self bashing, harboring resentments, and nursing unhealed wounds. Forgiveness is tapping into our limitless capacity to understand and accept other people and ourselves.

When we can forgive ourselves for our mistakes, wrong doings and those who have caused us hurt and injury, we will rise to a higher level of self-esteem and well-being and eventually become less angry, more hopeful, less depressed, less anxious and less stressed, and feel the real joy in life.

Kindness is an expression of compassion and love towards others. It is letting go of the need to be always right. Kindness is an action not a thought. Kindness is goodness in action, goodness of heart expressing itself in deeds. Without action we cannot be known to be merciful. Practicing kindness is being god-like, since God showers his ever-present mercy on all of its creation. It is grace, tenderness, mercy, compassion—self-sacrificing tender action on all other beings. If we wish to practice kindness, opportunities are presented every hour to do "great" or “minor” acts of kindness for others. Don’t let those opportunities pass by without an act of kindness in motion.

Generosity is the habit of giving without coercion. Generosity means that an individual chooses to give of his/her own freewill. Generosity of spirit encompasses more than just giving of money. It includes giving time, thoughts, loving/comforting words and ideas. True generosity of spirit requires taking action to make a difference. By giving yourself, you generate more abundance in your own life. Therefore, generosity is a tool to create a better world, for yourself and for others.

Thinking constantly about the memories particularly painful, does not make sense, since past is gone. It cannot be altered. All that can be accomplished from the past events is scooping out the lessons learnt, for the betterment of the present. And, it does not make sense to worry about the future, as we don't ever live in the future. Most of the things we fear don't happen, anyway. We only live in the present; therefore, it would seem to make more sense if our focus is also kept on the present moment. Life becomes a happy and enjoyable journey when the attitude toward it and its events is positive, and the present moment is then being used in the best possible way. Living in the present means concentrating on what is happening now, enjoying it and making the most of it. Living in the present brings peace, since nothing from the past can enter to trouble the mind, nor worries regarding the future can penetrate the heart. Wake up to the present moment and live in it! 
Love & Peace ~Rosy Kaur.  16.03.2011

The Divine Dance

The Divine Dance

Sailing amidst the slippery world
It has been a nightmare
To See with the Heart

Standing by the emotionally deaf
It has been a struggle
To Speak from the Heart

Surfing in the noisy palace
It has been a pain
To Listen with the Heart

Nevertheless, off we went
With our daily song of Love and Loss
Ongoing tale of Sorrow and Laugh

For there is no stopping now
No negotiating
No bargaining
Now that the Divine Dance has begun....
Love & Peace ~Rosy Kaur.  08.03.2011
Photography by Tatiana Grinichenko

Healing Myself - 5. Standing Alone

5. Standing Alone

Towards the end of my healing conversations with George, he began to ask me if I can stand alone. I wondered what it meant to stand alone. He explained in various styles; I understood what he was saying but could not feel what it meant. Then he became busy with his work and I had my usual sadness episodes. I thought of contacting him. He would have set all matters aside to hear me out; but suddenly it dawned onto me that it was time to learn to "stand alone". I then understood what it meant. I now know that when I am hurting, I am the one who should rescue myself. Life will always present challenges, and one cannot keep on relying on outside resources to bring balance within oneself. One has to build stamina to the extent that one is able to rely upon oneself. I felt sad about this. When I was all alone, and sufferring, I had to bear all the pain myself. Now when I do have caring friends, I must bear it all in order to "stand alone"...in order to be able to depend on myself. Now, when life presents a challenge, I try to dig out of myself the next better feeling that I can hold onto; just as a drowning person might hold onto a lifebuoy, I hold onto the next good emotion. Even when I do not see hope, I tell myself there is hope. Even when I do not trust the Universe to turn the things around in my favour, I speak to myself that I trust the Universe. I tell myself that All is Well. I believe, I am on the right path. I believe I can "stand alone".
Love & Peace ~Rosy Kaur.  06.03.2011
...Continue to Chapter 6

Healing Myself - 4. The Emotional Pendulum

4.  The Emotional Pendulum

When I was feeling so elated with one morning's peaceful feelings, the whole universe seemed to have come into my embrace. But, of course, can a human being remain in such a state of bliss forever. Perhaps, saints do! I feel my emotions sway like a pendulum. They keep swaying to and fro and keep shifting from elation to depression, from happiness to sadness... I have learnt about myself that when I am feeling joyous, I can easily live in that present moment. When I am feeling bored, I begin to look towards future, which of course does little good, as future is unpredictable.

But when I am feeling sad, I feel I am being pulled back into the past, into its painful memories, and regrets. This is the most troublesome situation for me. I begin to feel trapped and whole life begins to feel meaningless. At that stage, I have to dig out the strongest person inside me to fight with the demons from the past. Or, seek guidance from my caring friends. I also have a list of things to do when I am in this state. I begin the list as soon as I find myself being stuck in the sadness. But what works on that particular day is always different. However, the list gives me a chance to do something, keeping my mind busy. If one thing does not work out in my favour on that day, I chose another item from the list.

When I was not on the healing path, I found myself trapped in this meaningless situation for days. As my healing progressed, the number of days in depression reduced. And now, sometimes, I am able to get myself out of depression within a few hours.

One of the things that has helped me most is what George taught me. He says, "Feel the sadness". He taught me that if one suppresses or fights the sadness, it returns with a vengeance. Therefore, I have learnt to feel the sadness. I need to learn to master surrendering to sadness to gain full control over my emotional pendulum. I have to discover a place of centredness. Then the pendulum will not make a wide swing towards sadness. Then I can keep pendulum centered in the momentum of joy!
Love & Peace ~Rosy Kaur.  05.03.2011
...Continue to Chapter 5

How do you feel today?


Dearest Friend, How do you feel today?

A life well-lived, or do you feel spent?
Plenty to ponder, or have you no comment?

Several books read, do you feel enlightened?
Soaring new heights, do you feel delighted?

Decades of work, do you feel enriched?
Marriage, children, relationships, do you feel blessed?

Cell phones, internet, are you really connected?
Many friends at facebook, but are you being trusted?

Continents of travelling, have you found your home?
Prayers, meditations, did u reach peace zone?
Love & Peace ~Rosy Kaur.  04.03.2011

Desert Rose

Desert Rose

I am a Rose of the Desert
Growing in the wilderness,
I bear the shining sun, sparkling sands
Wavy warm winds…
I look upwards at the heavens
Longing for...
The moist drops of rain,
Umbrella of clouds, embrace of cool air

I wait patiently …… sometimes anxiously
Sometimes, a gardener passes by
Carrying a jug of water
Stops to admire my beauty
Whiffs my scent
I look at the cool crystal clear water
I bloom with joy
I bend forwards
Gardener extends a hand to nourish me
Alas…the thorns…
Gardener pulls the hand away
Takes the jug away
Walks away

Gazing at the horizon, I wait silently…
For a Fearless Gardener to arrive

For I am The Wild Desert Rose!
Growing in the wilderness...
Love & Peace ~Rosy Kaur.  04.03.2011

Healing Myself - 3. A Love Affair with God?

3. A Love Affair with God?

I am blessed in life with much; therefore I am grateful to the Creator for all the blessings. But the traumas in my life had left me always waking up with an unbearable turmoil in my heart. As an injured bird flutters in pain…so has been the state of my heart every day when I opened my eyes upon awaking . No amount of prayer, counseling would take that pain away. I always felt deep sadness and longing in my heart. I did not know what the feeling called joy feels within; until a few months ago when I met someone who took upon himself the task of being my coach and mentor. His name is George. Soon after meeting George, I had a dream in which I am a princess and a King expresses his affection to me. I felt so loved and cherished in the dream. Following day, when George and I discussed my dream, George made me understand that same joyous feeling is what I am supposed to feel in real life, when I am healed.

Today, for the first time in my life, I woke up feeling that same joyous feeling of peace and bliss. I should like to share a poem by Jelauddin Rumi, a 12th century poet:

What Was Told, That...
By Jalalu'l-din Rumi

What was said to the rose that made it open
was said to me here in my chest.
What was told the cypress that made it strong and straight,
What was whispered the jasmine so it is what it is,
Whatever made sugarcane sweet,
Whatever was said to the inhabitants of the town of Chigil in Turkestan that makes them so handsome,
Whatever lets the pomegranate flower blush like a human face,
That is being said to me now. I blush.
Whatever put eloquence in language, that's happening here.
The great warehouse doors open; I fill with gratitude, chewing a piece of sugarcane,
in love with the one to whom every that belongs!

And so, at this moment, I am asking myself, "Is this how a love affair with God is?"
Love & Peace ~Rosy Kaur.  02.03.2011
...Continue to Chapter 4
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